I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
