I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I met the friendliest cop last night
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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