he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
