I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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