I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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