the condom got lost in my hair
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
