I could make wine with my vomit
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize