Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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