you guys were way drunker than both of me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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