You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
