You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize