Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
