I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
