Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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