can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
