True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
