Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Everclear isn't food dammit
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
