Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
