just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
