Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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