I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
