It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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