we have officially lost it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
