Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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