My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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