kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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