Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
