Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
