The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
