In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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