I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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