it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
