Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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