If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
