I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
