i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
