sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
