Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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