I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
