But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
