i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
