You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
