If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
