Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
