Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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