Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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