after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize