Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I need to stop coming to work sober
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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