That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
