you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
