I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
