So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
