MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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