If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
