it's not cheating when I paid for it
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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