I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
