another moral hangover. fuck.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dick very happy bro
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
