your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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