I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
