don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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