I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
