There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Randomize
