so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
