It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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