what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize