My hand turned me down
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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