Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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