I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
