I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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