did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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