I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
