Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
