dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
