Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I enjoy the company of your penis
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
