I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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